Mona_Realm
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« on: July 22, 2011, 06:06:01 PM » |
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I posted a question with very long details and all I got was "nice story bro"(I am a woman!) or "no normal guy would date you out of pity he must like you" who likes me?!
I won't get to see my therapist until next Monday. Anyway I am 26 female and my body doesn't produce estrogen on its own that's why I've been on the birth control pill since age 23 to produce the estrogen. and since that age is when I started feeling romantic or physical feelings towards men(before that I felt nothing for no one).
Six years ago I was sexually assaulted by a guy because according to the email he sent to my best friend at the time(She showed me) he did that because he pitied me because I'm handicapped. How on earth is a speech impediment and hearing loss a handicap? it isn't!
A few years before that a guy dated me and all I heard from everyone was that he really felt sorry for me that's why he dated me.
Or guys would get extremely close to me really fast and demand they spend all day and all night(even up to 2 in the morning) with me online forgetting I even had a life or hobbies of my own.
Sharing intimate details about everything and demanding I do the same. I just learned from my therapist that certain intimate conversations with the opposite gender create feelings. I was never interested in the guy no matter how wild my hormones and romantic emotions were going.
I also hated that they hugged and kissed and cuddled(even a gay guy online wouldn't cuddle or kiss me but would kiss others. He got all mad and defensive when I said why are you treating me different?!)
Also I saw Zoo Keeper not realizing that it was a romantic movie it ticked me off the rest of the night because I don't have the luxury of a mutual romantic relationship with a guy that respects me and doesn't abuse, use, control or manipulate me or doesn't pity me.
I even lost interest in my recent crush because he just acted polite to me not ask any questions about me(I acted the same way because I had a strong attraction toward him and didn't want to offend or scare him. But I doubt that's HIS case!) though he knows my friend a lot more he talks to her a lot more so I figured eh they're better together than I am with him.
So if a guy does ask me out how would I KNOW if he's not pitying me? should I ask why he's asking me out or say "ya know I only go on dates when the guy is genuinely interested in me not just for meaningless fun"?
And no I am not getting into those extremely intimate friendships because they aren't healthy and they take up too much of my time to the point where I have no life. So when a guy starts getting all intimate with me I'll say "I appreciate your trust but I only allow such topics if the guy wants to be more than friends".
Also I live in a rural area surrounded by towns(not very close) and I can't drive because my proprioceptors don't work when driving. I honestly believe that no guy in their right mind would be attracted to me for the right reasons and pursue me(in Christianity if you pursue the guy you get shunned).
I AM NOT HANDICAPPED! ANd YES I DEALT WITH BEING SEXUALLY ASSAULTED I JUST HATE IT WHEN GUYS DATE OR PURSUE ME IN ANY WAY BECAUSE THEY PITY ME! IT'S NOT LOW SELF ESTEEM IT'S A FACT BECAUSE OF PAST EVIDENCE! GUYS EVEN ADMITTED THEY PITIED ME! SO I HAVE EVERY RIGHT AND LOGIC TO THINK AND ASSUME THEY ARE PURSUING AN INTIMATE FRIENDSHIP OR ROMANCE BECAUSE THEY PITY ME!
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ravingmonk
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« Reply #1 on: July 23, 2011, 12:29:38 AM » |
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Sounds tough, you've been through a lot, and the worse thing is you cannot trust someone because you feel they might be pitying you.
I would say that getting involved in any relationship involves a bit of faith, because you never know what the other person is really like and what their intentions are.
I was more than assaulted by a friend, and my ex-boyfriend then I could still never trust that he cared for me or was pitying me because of what his friend did.
What I would say is just keep yourself open and not to worry about what the other person's intentions are, but to just to protect yourself by not getting too close in the beginning until they've proven themselves to be a good person.
Otherwise, there is no way to read others' minds, it only comes from your own intuition and logic.
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_
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« Reply #2 on: July 23, 2011, 12:48:45 AM » |
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I don't know, but your hormones sound out of whack but that's ok. Alot of other people have a ton of problems, and honestly I don't know what your question is, maybe if it is if a guy asks you out, how do you know he's not pitying you? Where are you getting the information that these guys are pitying you from? If a guy asks you out you will know whether or not he's pitying you by instinct...maybe..
EDIT: Yeah raving said it all.
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Vicky_Parker
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« Reply #3 on: July 23, 2011, 01:11:38 AM » |
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No normal guy would date you out of pity - I agree
I appreciate your trust bt only allow etc - also correct
When we have low self-esteem we can sometimes suspect that other people only do things for us becasue they pity us. Therefore improve your self-esteem.
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JanStolz
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« Reply #4 on: July 23, 2011, 01:39:46 AM » |
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You still haven't dealt with being raped yet. The violation you felt and still feel is one reason for your not wanting to be intimate. Sharing your life with another; loving, trusting and being yourself with them is the reason for life. Everything else is just cheap whiskey.
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smiley_face
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« Reply #5 on: July 23, 2011, 01:45:29 AM » |
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i don't know what to say, i feel sorry for handicaps anyway if you find someone that loves you great if you don't I'm sure there will be someone along the way who will bye  |
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Gordon_Brown
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« Reply #6 on: July 23, 2011, 02:25:08 AM » |
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nice story bro. I am joking i love you and you are a very decent human
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THE_BANNIBAL_ONE
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« Reply #7 on: July 23, 2011, 02:42:28 AM » |
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First of all do not be telling others your business,especially online.
I can guarantee you tell them everything,so they tell others.Keep to yourself.
There are no prizes given out by searching and finding a date.
Usually there is only trouble.Christianity also says wait for God to find you a mate.
Also if you feel more comfortable stay alone.
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PATRICK_R
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« Reply #8 on: July 23, 2011, 02:47:43 AM » |
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That is not why guys go out with you. They don't pity you. That is the biggest line and lie that I ever heard. That is a bunch of BS. Guys go out with girls for all kind of reasons. One is to get into their pants. Because of their own insecurities they try to hurt you by saying that they pity you so you will let them get into your pants. You are not handicapped. Nothing that can't be fixed. No one is a perfect human being. Women have been going through what you are going through since the beginning of time for one reason or another. You are not the only one that has to deal with it. Did you ever think that they don't want to do with you like they do to the other girls because they respect you as a person and they don't respect the other girls. Don't fret too much missy. Well come to the normal life of dating.
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